So I kinda suck at this

It's day 2, or is it day 3? since I started this blog and I have yet to post. Ah well, god will forgive me, I think :)

Honestly right now I am feeling in no shape to be all deep and stuff. I feel more like someone with a bad case of food poisoning or the flu. Leading all my thoughts to circle around the idea "I feel like crap" again and again until either they, or I, fall into a heap on the floor. So maybe I should try something easy, like historical stuff. At least until my husband gets here to rescue me from work and deliver me home to my nice, soft bed.

A brief history of me

I was born to very Christiany people. When I was little we went to a non-denominational church *shudder*. Actually, I don't remember it as being that bad, but I was little. Things I remember: The sanctuary. The Sunday School classrooms in the basement. Making apple cider in the fall with a big press. Running around the grounds, there was a big scary hill that we used to gaze out over. The library where I checked out pseudo-church porn. No, I am SO not kidding about that.

When I was 9 we moved into the "city" and switched to a methodist church. Side-note here about my parents: My dad was raised methodist. He wasn't super religious in a churchy way, but in a moral way. My mom was raised LDS I think. I can't remember exactly, I just know we all thought her family's religion was a bit weird. She was very churchy. My sister and I had our music, movies etc fairly well censored. All I was allowed to listen to as a kid was gospel and Elvis. I think they did okay, all things considering.

Back to church: I got fairly involved in the methodist church as time went on. I was in the children's choir, attended youth group, then got involved in bible study and the youth council. I went to lots of camps and retreats. Some random facts: The first time I listened to Def Leopard was at church camp. It was also the first time a boy groped me. And also where I figured out I didn't believe in Jesus. Hmmm, think those Christians might want to rethink the whole church camp thing.

What, no Jesus?!
Yes, I did figure out at a young age, maybe 15, that I didn't believe in Jesus. As in I didn't believe in the whole immaculate conception, son of God, resurrection, ascension, trinity thing. I did, and still do think Jesus was an awesome guy. Great philosopher, beautiful prophet. I also believe that if he knew what people have built in his name he'd be pretty pissed. See Jesus taught about God. He didn't consider himself to be God, to be incarnated by the Holy Spirit or any of that. He taught love, peace and contemplation as a way to God, not a way to him. Somehow, I figured that out emotionally as a teen. It wasn't until I was an adult in a UU church that I found the intellectual, academic support for that idea. But that's later.

So if you didn't believe in Jesus, what did you believe?
Well I was an awkward teen. I read lots of sci-fi and fantasy and tended to believe in things like magic and fairies and Goddesses. So for a while I became a Wiccan. I read and meditated and tried to practice magic, for all of about 2 years. Then I just fell into the party life and did nothing with religion for a long, long time.

What changed?
When we moved back to the US in 2005, I decided I wanted a religious home and to work on my spirituality. I found a UU church in a nearby town and started attending with my daughters. I liked the reverend and his sermons. I liked the focus on social justice. I attended off and on, got involved off and on but it just wasn't right....

...to be continued.

Why Another Blog?

Good question. Here's the answer.

I'm on a sort of quest, have been for a few months. I'm searching for God. Or rather, I'm searching for a religion to house my beliefs about God. Currently my search has me knocking on the doors of a Temple in an attempt to learn more about Judaism. I've read a few books and now signed up for an Introduction to Judaism class. As part of that learning experience I am supposed to write daily for a month about my perceptions and relationship with God. I thought about putting these posts on my regular blog, Chrissi's World, but thought that they deserved a separate home, especially if I am going to actually do what I'm supposed to and write every day. Not that the other blog couldn't use a dose of daily blogging, but this way those readers who are not interested in my spiritual stuff don't have to read about it.

For now this blog will be more of a blank journal than anything. As such, I probably won't bother much with the design and layout for now. However I will try to add links, book reviews etc as time goes on. It can serve as my storehouse of religious info for the time being.

I'm going to try to write each morning, and since this isn't morning that excuses me from anything deep or meaningful right now. Besides, I really *should* be working. :D